I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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