Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
