On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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