Sober January is a disaster.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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