Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize