She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
