things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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