i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
