i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
