You smell like stripper and shame
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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