I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
