Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
