My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
