how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
