Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
