i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
