I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
