Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
