god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
