he told me I talked like a deaf person
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
