....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
