you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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