the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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