i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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