She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
