Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
