I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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