worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
