I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
