the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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