Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
