i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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