her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You've changed since you got that strap on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
