these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
