Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
