you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize