I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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