You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
