Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
