I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
