biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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