She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
