After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize