Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
