The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
