you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
