I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
