why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize