Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.

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(216): View more from Ohio

there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

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(734): View more from Michigan

i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

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(718): View more from New York

I'm gonna cum garlic butter

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control

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