She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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