she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
