I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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