On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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