you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize