so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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