I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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