i think i have herpe
just one?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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