you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
