i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
