My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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