barbara walters just said penis...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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