so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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