Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
