R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize