Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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