i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was CRYING into my vagina
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is my life. Enjoy the view
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
