When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
