you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
