loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
