what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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