no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
