I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
