he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
