The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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