see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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