Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
