The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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