I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
