After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize