don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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