someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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