I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize