she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
