This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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