i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Randomize
