I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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