Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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